most of the time, i;ve looked at her with envy. i blow her off in a fit of spite, while admiring her from the corner of my eye. she’s everything i;ve wanted to be she’s everything im not. she does all the things i wish i could do, says all the things i’ve been unable to put into words. She has me rapt not with love or affection but with shock and jealousy. i used to hate her cause i was nothing like her for she was everythoing i wished i could be. the way she looked at the sky, the way her footsteps made a sound, the way she walked with direction, making heads turn from all corners and in all angles. the first time i saw her, i watched her. she watched me, too. we looked at each other knowing that we could either be the best of friends or the worst of enemies. she was my greatest competition at my prime, but i soon fell to the wayside, her longing spectator never asking for the time of day from her, i lost track of my schedule and soon lived by hers.
i’ve seen her grow, and even when she fell, her bruises made her beautiful. in fact she came out stronger, and i faltered in her shadow. i have taken from her and i’ll admit this…i need her. she has thickened my quest for survival, birthed and hardened my fearlessness and brought me back to life after being pronounced dead on arrival. i live for the day that she will notice me and learn from me. till then, she is the force that lies behind my meager efforts at existence.
read comments (0)Writing for the love of it
Posted by caroline in arts and literature, dreaming, lifestyle, myself, personal, storytelling
God, I miss writing for the love of it. I never make the time these days, not even to write to myself. And when I do write to myself, they’re mangled indulgences text messaged to myself, often observations, regularly my internal conflicts. I am not emotionally nor mentally numbed, no, but I channel it… Read the rest of this entry »
The contentious issue of 905ers infiltrating and infesting Toronto
Posted by caroline in ethics, humour, lifestyle, on identity, storytelling
Oh those 905ers. You’ve heard of them, you might know a few, you might have actually been one at some point…and they’re talked about far more than you notice. The term 905er has planted itself firmly in Toronto’s slang and in-the-cool jargon, especially in the downtown core. But what exactly is a 905er and why is the term not exactly an acceptable one, and therefore not one to be associated with?
Deconstructing: Globe and Mail article on the TIFF boycott
Posted by caroline in arts and literature, in the news
As taken from the Globe and Mail: Signing protest letter was rash, Fonda says
I deconstruct the writing in an article from the Globe and Mail regarding the Toronto Declaration, the Toronto International Film Festival and the role of the Brand Israel campaign in TIFF 2009
My remarks are in italics. Please note the bold when reading.
Be Impeccable with Your Word
Posted by caroline in Uncategorized
I’ve realized as a journalist and blogger that occasionally gets published and occasionally has readers, and as an actor that occasionally gets acting roles and occasionally takes classes, that it is important that I stay impeccable with my word. I came across this theory of being impeccable with my word during the class I’m taking with casting director Ron Leach, when I found my major weakness was memorization of words—something I’ve struggled with all my life, stumbling over Shakespeare and ruining countless *significant* auditions (i know, i know, all of them are significant.)
There are many ways to look at this theory of being “impeccable” with my word, the core of which is taken from the book “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz. Yes, it can be found in the self-help section and I did wear sunglasses when perusing this area of Indigo.. Read the rest of this entry »
Spoken Word vs Radio vs Music vs Rap
Posted by caroline in Uncategorized
Someone asked me today why I am so enamoured by spoken word, and what the difference is between spoken word and rap, or why I would listen to spoken word and not simply listen to music, which is in abundance, he asked me why I’m so into spoken word but not so into rap. He referred to this J. Ivy Def Poetry piece I once posted on my Facebook.
I responded at first saying that I love words. I do. I’m addicted to them. I added that rap is close to spoken word, that rap is an offspring of spoken word, that all rap is spoken word but not all spoken word is rap. Read the rest of this entry »
Canadian Internships, new grads from journalism get exploited
Posted by caroline in ethics, in the news
Some months back, my journalist friends and I noticed a trend with “internships.”
It was at the height of recession fear-mongering. Media agencies were dealing with their own financial reaction to the economy alongside the shift from traditional journalism to the web, desperately scrounging for revenue through new sources. So everyone was getting laid off. Everyone! I got laid off, of course, early on. I watched as friends started emailing back and forth seeking work. And I watched as the journalism job options dwindled, or rather, the job hunter market grew very saturated with journalists. The competition was a bit too fierce and intimidating for myself and others I knew who’d only been out of j-school for a year or so. I was lucky to have a little bit of experience from my communications position and my student days as a keener with the extracurricular work. However, I was no match for the journalists with 10, 15 years of experience getting laid off from their leading roles at major magazines and websites. Read the rest of this entry »
Michael Jackson, Elvis Presley, sigh
Posted by caroline in Uncategorized
I feel like I should write something about Michael Jackson before I bury it. When I first heard, I didn’t really digest it. I didn’t think of the hours upon hours I used to spend listening to the “Bad” album, or the first taping of my voice with my brother singing, at 4yrs old, ‘mama se mama sa ma ma coo sa, [wanna be startin somethin]’ or the countless videos I watched of his, the times I’ve broken it down to his stuff and simply used him as an inspiration for all things dance, expression, vocal…lyrical..he was a true performer, as seen in every single one of his massive hits and the not so magnified, low-profile tunes. Read the rest of this entry »
on reading The God of Small Things
Posted by caroline in Uncategorized
I thought I’d share my views on The God of Small Things, a book I just finished reading last night after a long stretch. Written for the purpose of Facebook’s Visual Bookshelf.
“This is the sort of book that slowly weighs down on your mind and heart, kinda like the moth that figures so prominently in its pages. Roy’s writing takes some getting used to, it’s very quirky, but once you’re thinking like her and her characters, Read the rest of this entry »
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