Carolime Time

As some of you may’ve heard, I was interviewed by Dan Delmar Friday night on CJAD radio, in Montreal. I love the guy, we go way back to j-school days at Concordia University, studying journalism. I mean, we are very different from each other in many ways but I think ultimately we share a strong friendship. Read the rest of this entry »

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As one of my web entrepreneur friends put it, in terms of whether the public can weed through the garbage online and figure out where the truth lies,

“Generally speaking there is a 80 to 20 ratio on the Internet. 20% are intelligent and the 80% are computer illiterate. Thus they are idiots and will fall for any traps.”

It’s like today’s news media. How many people do I see feeding into every bit of the news, never researching their sources, never knowing how much spin there is in everything they’re digesting into their bloodstream?

One time, my aunt called me up, all gung-ho about putting her daughter into acting and modeling. Apparently, my cute and eager cousin was approached by a solicitor at a fair and told she should join their school and talent agency. The price would be upwards of $2000.00.

Seeing as I have a lot of performing experience, my aunt wanted my advice on whether the school is good or not, and whether her daughter was too young. Now, I’ve known fraud. When I was young, in pre-Google times, I researched fraud agencies myself, painstakingly following forums and links till I got to the core of a topic–only to discover I’d been approached by a fraudulent agency.

It’s much easier these days. I simply typed in the name of the performing arts school my aunt mentioned (I can’t remember it right now). The first link was the website of the company itself. The average web-user will click on this site and get buried in the content of the site, its testimonials, and registration page. I simply looked below the first link and came upon threads and comments revealing the company for all it was worth. I promptly called my aunt and told her that this was the case.

The thing is, not everyone will take the time or consider looking further in this manner.

Similarly, we read countless blogs on a topic, and think that because it’s written in blog-style and from a real, live person…that we’re not being tricked.

BLOGS ARE MARKETING TOOLS!!

i just had to say that out loud. it’s pounding in my head. where is quality writing?

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I’ve transferred a lot of my writing to a public blog.

Maybe this isn’t the best way to begin a new venture, but I figure I’ll lay my cards out from the start.

I’ve been writing blogs for years, hah, on those network sites most of the time for friends, and also on some official writing-only sites.

Now, however, I’ve ventured into this whole new territory of self-managed and terrifyingly public domains. It’s like New York City, but sharper skyscrapers.

There are a few points that have drawn me to this big bad blogging thing.

1. I am very involved in web industries (I will not specify to what extent for privacy reasons) and recognize the market potential in such a pastime, especially in light of my contact circle.

2. I write regardless of whether it’s public or private, paid or not. I will write till my eyes bleed and my hands writhe in arthritic fever, even from a box with blank walls. Those walls will be remarkable..

3. I have finally been wooed by the freedom of blogs. I cannot deal so much with corporate news. I read it, but with a grain of salt.

In all fairness, there are even corporate independents that I must not forget. I also take everything they write in their blogs with a grain of salt.

These are the multitude of writers who, when looked at closely, follow unethical practices. Hell, even from a distance, it’s obvious.

I will not name names…I really wouldn’t want to advertise them further…but they’re making a lot of money. They’re “affiliates”.

Sure, they have HUGE followings. And they have a lot of ads on their sites. However, one must ask, can they truly be trusted for what they say?

-often, popular and well-marketed blogs that are making thousands of dollars a month, will do a write up or review for a company. Are these objective, critical articles? Are these actually offering the truth, or is it just a press release that’s regurgitated on the blog of a respected writer?

-there are bloggers who have high traffic venues that may write truthful, creative, and original pieces. mingled between the lines or entries are also those blogs that will make them money–they’ve been recruited by marketing and advertising companies to produce articles on a product or service, for a price. These agencies have requested POSITIVE reviews. Seems a little self-contradicting, no? The average reader will not know which articles are sincere and which aren’t. The onus is on you to choose the right source.

-a lot of bloggers are also simply writing for the sake of keywords. Their stuff may be absolute B/S (sorry, I guess my vocabulary doesn’t go THAT far) , but they want the HITS so their ads will show impressions.

Now, what sets me apart from these people? LOL, I guess, you’re just going to have to trust my integrity. And I won’t write stuff I don’t mean.

Maybe I should tell you a bit about myself..

I am a bit of a journalist, by title..Trained, hired at times, usually self-employed and currently working as a performer. I won’t tell you what sort of performer!:-P Kidding~ anyways, the point is, I have very high expectations of journalistic ethics. I will do my best to uphold them, and if anyone catches me doing otherwise, I give you full permission to call me on it.

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i am treading through ‘the secret’..my godfather’s wife has raved about it, and she’s one of the most optimistic people i know…not to mention some businesspeople i know who seem to love it..

it was one of the leading books in india…every bookstore i went into (and i went into A LOT) (hence the 14kg overweight;)) had “The Secret” at #1…
Whenever kids would come up to my rickshaws selling books, the main three were…The Secret, Kite Runner, and A Thousand Splendid Suns..

Anyway, I think there’s a trend in India surrounding motivational thought and literature. Even as I read magazines and statements from celebrities, all their quotes and ideals are based on these laws of attraction, in a way…And I’ve noticed people are really into passing along inspirational quotes and sayings…either via text message or through email…It’s one rupee a text message, so technically the Indian text message costs more than the Canadian…yet, no one sends me inspirational text messages?! You know, it really did mean something to me..to wake up and re-read it..added a little light to my day..HINT HINT..SEND ME POSITIVE MESSAGES!!!…

okay so i gotta tell you something…i have three days left to write…after that, i cannot blurt out anything more under the pretense of ‘traveling’..for i will be back in toronto..
the question is, do i write my ass off, or have i written enough..
is it quantity, or quality, in this case?
i’ve done some facebook lurking, and people have come home with a lot of wonderful pictures, photos from their winter extravaganzas and adventures….
i did not use my camera once on this trip.
The camera. my archnemesis. my possessive ex lover, confidante, my wanderlust and vanity, all in a little hand held contraption that has never quite made sense to me.
broadcast journalism classes consisted of me, fiddling, often calling an old friend just to make sure i had the FPS (eh??) and white balance right..auto focus or manual? am i overacting? should i wear makeup? what’s that trick you mentioned that would make me look skinnier? ahh, yes…that one..

i am thoroughly anti-camera. i’ve reluctantly embraced this phase for the past couple of months, almost veiled myself in it. every passing urge to capture a moment with a lens has been followed by a pebble in my throat..why do i want to use my camera, i ask…so i can have a zillion shots of the same thing from different angles? because digital is cheap? so i can look at it immediately afterwards?..this is what the camera has come to mean to me..it’s sad, because i know there’s more to it than that…am i really much of a photographer, though? i want to know, how many people develop photos these days? why does blacks’ photography have so many frames on display these days?

i don’t carry my camera anywhere anymore. when another pulls it out, i am first arrested by how the camera might spoil this moment–my own defensiveness– and then reminded that i don’t have a pen to write this moment down and they have their camera, to write it down for themselves.

some people do it really well, as i’ve seen. and the colours, the vibrance, there really is the possibility of quality with a camera. i just can’t do it.
i have been at war with the camera for some time. I think it’s because I’m still transitioning, 1.5yrs later, into acting for film. If only I could tell you how I feel about this comfortable, emotionally abusive lover of mine, these days..i’m so attached it hurts..

There are some things i am dying to take a picture of. i wanted the red paan spray on the streets, like graffiti on a wall..though people apparently spit it on special property, like a scar..not so sure about uninvited scars. My cousin said it can get really bothersome to the point of…VANDALISM? but i think paan juice could be useful in self-expression…kinda like that vomit on canvas art fad..but vomiting on someone else’s art, not so cool..

so there, did i just take a picture? does that count? is writing way more revealing than photos?

here’s the thing. my friend once told me she didn’t take pics with any of the people she met on her trip to israel. me, i have decided not to take pics of any of the things i’ve seen. so far, i’ve gotten a lot on paper/screen. and people take pics of me with groups of others, or on my own.

i’ve had a lot of thoughts, asked a lot of my silly questions, and done a lot of things. i consider my writing my photo album. i wouldn’t have felt comfortable taking out a camera to take a picture of vadaes, and it’s difficult to aim a camera at the steam rising off the top of a cup of tea, i don’t think my camera’s good enough to catch the stain on the side of a glass or the fingernails and dry skin of that woman’s day, nor could i quote, with a camera, the things i’ve heard around me, that make me wonder and think twice..and since i’m on a mission to ‘focus’, i decided to use one medium and not the two..

i am feeling a lot better..

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i’m really really annoyed that i’ve lost my phone.

ok, i know i can buy a new one. but you don’t understand how many phone numbers i’ve stored in that SIM card from the past 4yrs.
it’s like all my schmoozing and networking has gone down the drain. what have i worked for if i’ve lost it all in a measly phone?
and what if i need some text action? who am i going to message with a new phone book?

another major reason i’m so upset is because i have never lost a phone.
i’ve not even ‘lost’ a set of keys since i was 8yrs old. i mean, i’ve misplaced them, or left them in another city..but i always know where everything i misplace is. make sense? never lost a purse, hug my wallet close..one time, i stayed at a family’s friend’s place and i think someone they knew stole some money from me. but that was about it…

i’m really messy and have the most cluttered room, but i know where everything is in it–even when i’ve had my 1hr freakouts over money i’ve hidden from myself..or accuse everyone and their mother of stealing my ipod/best friend’s Star of David earrings..yes, i asked my Palestinian friends if their Arab (Muslim-bred) friend may have taken Dinah’s earrings…..uggggggh

I’m so annoyed..i am convinced I have not lost this phone..I have called it, and it dials..it doesn’t go straight to the machine..so it’s on…it would go to the machine directly if someone was using it for themselves, right? and it would’ve died by now if they were using it..unless they bought a charger..I really just want the SIM card, you don’t know what I’d do for that SIM card…all the text messages!!! I HAVE WRITTEN STORIES TO MYSELF ON MY TEXT MESSAGES!!! whoever finds this is going to be invading my privacy..

i just had to let this all out..
now i have to go to Montreal without a phone…
well, first i’ll do another search for my phone.

you know what the worst part is?
i know if i were to just say a prayer to st. anthony, the next thing i pick up would be my phone. everyone knows my history with st. anthony. but i can’t. for i am not a good Catholic girl, and I can’t pretend to be just so I can find the phone. my faith in st anthony, for some reason, has always stood apart from the religion..can’t quite explain it..
one day, ask me about my experiences with st anthony..
from a cat to a box of gold jewelry to everything i hide from myself..to a laptop left at the school pub (tania’s)…sigh..st anthony knowwwws.

and here’s a cherry on top…i’ve fought with everyone today, i want to punch a wall. i want to quit my job and go live in a box.
arhjaefrjsdg;lsdfrjg

–note–i found the phone right after i wrote this entry. I’m SURE it has NOTHING to do with St. Anthony’s name being discussed here;)

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I have this really strange habit i’ve been meaning to talk about.
well, maybe I just think I should talk about it.
I see dead people.
Ok, no. But really, I look at things having to do with dead people, a lot.
I’m especially attracted to the news articles surrounding the sudden death of a person. I google when I hear or see a name associated with an RIP.

It kinda creeps me out.
It’s the reason I’m late to meet up with my friends sometimes. I get so caught up in the story of how they passed away, what the suspicions are around their deaths, and what people are doing to solve the crime. If it’s a natural death, or a disease (natural?), I tend to look for dedications to these people. Be it in picture format, letters, or webpages.

Mind you, I am more drawn to the stories of people I might pass on the street than those of celebrities. Maybe it’s a way for me to immortalize these lives?

I also get caught up in the way people die.
Not so much diseases, but more controlled deaths. I don’t care about guns and knives. I once found a site with a hundred of the best ways to kill oneself. Gosh, I’m gonna sound really morbid, so I won’t even tell you which one sounds best.
Besides, I don’t condone that.

anyway, the one thing I watch is the slow deterioration of a person’s life.
I look at pictures from childhood to their last breath.
I don’t know, I don’t know why I do it.
It disturbs me, because I feel like it’s unfair to that person who’s passed away, that I’m using their pictures and life this wayy. But I am not relieved in any way. If anything, I do it to try and remind myself that I need to look after myself. And that I should be grateful for all I do have.
I read stories that people write around someone they’ve lost.

I guess it’s loss. I’ve never lost anything or anyone. I would hate to, but I try to prepare myself for it vicariously. And there are some people who truly know how to express themselves when they’ve lost…so I read.

From the website dedicated to Zhu Ling…

“She was fastened in a wheelchair. Her legs looked stunningly skinny. Her tarnished eyes stared into space without any youthfulness. She tried hard to look, but she was not able to see much. Mom asked her to pass some snacks to us. ZHU Ling labored her curly fingers to pick up a little box and stretched her arm forward. But she couldn’t find where we were. I took a piece of cracker from the box. It tasted bitter! I simply could not hold the tears in my eyes.

While she can still chew when Mom fed her, her severely Thallium-poisoned nerves were no longer able to fully control her oral muscles and saliva often dripped out of her open lips. She was quite cranky that day. Perhaps she heard our conversation and sensed something. She constantly yelled ah ah ah, frantically letting out some loud cry. The words were so vague that we could hardly distinguish. All these efforts of expressing her agony and frustration turned out to be futile.

There must be some vague memories about that horrible incident left in her chaotic and obtuse brain. She might be aware that something terrible happened to her but she could not tell what it was.

What a devastating scene! She cannot speak. Neither can she see. Her hands, a slender pair that used to nimbly dance upon a piano keyboard, now curl up together and can only knock down the keys one by one. How can anybody not be struck, not feel the pain, and not condemn the shameless criminal!”

… …
http://www.helpzhuling.org/english.aspx

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i have been mulling over the digital age a lot these past months. ok, all my life.
i am host to many complaints regarding quality and deterioration of otherwise respectable arts.

have your photos pretty much cheapened since you bought a digital camera? from viewing the picture immediately rather than anticipating the outcome? from taking a lot of bullshit shots, or just so many pictures that the ones that could’ve been special..just blend in with two million other pictures that are thereby meaningless? i once worked with a photographer who swore against digital cameras..the precision and focus invested in a film camera is…not just far more rewarding, it seems, but also conducive to perfection and exactness..
for filmmakers, wow i wonder what’s going to happen as HD continues to make waves..

what about writing…?
so easy to post a blog. a private journal entry. a treasured private journal that was once pages of flow, is now scattered into consolidated online one liners, mindless blabber because you can type so bloody fast, so fast that you don’t need to stop to think because at least you’re saying everything that you have in your head, often placed in sentences that are run on and lose their essence along the way because hey, oops i forgot what i was talking about and if i take a few steps backwards i might find myself somewhere else.

the subject changes…cut and paste…

gone are the pages of curvy script that would otherwise relay your every mood, from the slant to the breaking point..the running ink when your pen mixes with tears..those aren’t captured between the lines..hell, what are lines when we type on a blank space that automatically decides what LINES are for me?
space (Enter)
space (enter)
sigh–no more diaries with that the little lock and key, your brother sneaking away with it..will my kids ever fight over where my son hid his sister’s diary? snicker snicker..i still have documented PAPER proof of when my big bro did that.

not to mention zines and these so-called online mags and papers. really. i am sorry, i think there is a lot of great stuff out there, but there is way more shit in what i consider disguised internet pollution..even this journal could be considered such, if y’all weren’t on my list by choice:P if you can’t deal with it, delete me.
i am regularly annoyed by this daily site that mails me. i signed up for it cause it actually does share some neat stuff. but every single item is tinged with an ad…i know magazines do this too, with pictures….direct advertising..but actual event and topic coverage aren’t necessarily funded by the subject..i guess the internet just isn’t undercover with its online ad campaigns, as are news corporations with questionable backroom antics…

it further worries me that even searching for goodiesl can be manipulated through advertising. the most tepid nonsense will pop up if you google certain words, and the good stuff is all buried in the tenth page.
many sites have keywords PLACED in them, in a useless or weakly formatted fashion…just to grab clicks. this makes me SICK.
really.

and i have way more complaints i might just add to them in the comments section with each day.
i work online btw. lol. so i have the right to whine.

i would like y’all to go over my entries and pinpoint the spelling and grammatical errors.
it’s not that i don’t care, it’s just that this is acceptable. as is everything else digital. AH i hope i don’t come off too much as holier-than-thou jerk, i just get constantly bombarded by lackluster internet product. pick up your game, people! my blog (under construction still:=( ) is where i will set a positive example with proper and CIVILIZED writing aha..(**”and i could be a genius if i just put my mind to it” **pulp)

the one thing for which i will commend the digital age…is how it –attempts– to make things much more accessible to everyone, from a range of classes.

my next topic is internet exhibitionism…how to manipulate it, sell oneself, and buy the right shit..15mins of online fame..i could talk about this for days..

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