Carolime Time

it’s been some time since i’ve felt the urge to rip out a pen and paper in public.

—-
I remember the streets
Throngs of men
Who hadn’t seen their wives in years
I remember the wooden stairs
Women with the same stained and crooked teeth
Scraping away at my heels
Roughened by poolside tiles
One told me of her children
Attempted to show me a photo
They were living with her parents in Goa
I was in a hurry, so I said goodbye to my sister

And as the driver took me home
I tossed my head out the window
While blasts of warm wind rushed past my face
I took it all in, the desert and the side shops
I had my camera, and I saw it all
I had my camera, and I could tell how it felt
To sit with “the poor”
To listen to “their problems”
I was there for him
As he drove me home
I was there for her
As she waxed the nuisance from my arms
I was paying their bills
As they were lessening my woes

If only it would feel good.
If only I liked it as much as he did
Along with the tan and bargaining in the markets
I could take my pictures home
And smile, tell stories of this world
But I can’t
I burn the photos
So I can forget.

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The South Asian Radio News Collective…which I’ve *just* started working with, and will keep you updated on—is thinking of throwing the following word into its name. I just kinda like the meaning:)

“The word Ghadr is commonly translated as mutiny. The Ghadr party was
formed by Indian migrant workers on the west coast of North America at the
turn of the twentieth century to overtly overthrow the British by any
means necessary. Aim of the party was explained as “Today, there begins in
foreign lands.. a war agaist British raj.. What is your name? Ghadr. What
is your work? Ghadr. Where will Ghadr break out? in India. The time will
soon come when rifles and blood will take the place of pen and ink.” In
simple words, their aim was to get rid of the British raj in India through
an armed rebellion.”

Occasionally Ghadr published the following advertisement:
Wanted: Enthusiastic and heroic soldiers for organizing Ghadr in Hindustan:
Renumeration: Death
Reward : Martyrdom
Pension : Freedom
Field of work : Hindustan

(coutesy of geita)

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My mother is Goan, my father is Anglo-Indian..

but i have some issues with the goan identity.

first, let me state that i love goa—’despite’ all the ‘dirty’, not-as-authentic ‘indians’ moving in, ‘despite’ all the mix ups where people think I’m ACTUALLY just plain, old, nasty smelly Indian…and yes, i love the Portuguese twist on Konkani, the west coast swing-style jive on the rooftops and at beach shacks….i don’t admire the commercialization of our state, i don’t like the litter or the fights or the ravaging of our sand..goa is my home, too!

most of all, i despise the stuffiness of us old-school Goans. I can’t stand the fact that we’re all so quick to claim our Portuguese (aka westernized, whiter colonialist) roots and discard our Indian roots—who put the spice in our goa sausage, hmm? maybe partly the Portuguese, but let’s not forget the tan in our skin, the curl in our hair, the sun on our beaches!!!!

come on guys…..there are a large number of Goans who’ve been mixed with Portuguese roots and blood, yes…but our Portuguese surnames are not completely due to intermarriage with our fair European brothers–the majority of Goans were converted into the religion, and assigned the surnames of the missionaries presiding over them…many of us were Hindus, too, in another life…some of us even continue to hold onto our ‘Brahmin’ status (no one talks about it unless it’s behind closed doors)…

the Portuguese were not angelic in their conquest—nor is the Indian government the poor victim, now…

I guess the point of this post is to remind us that we have a history that goes far, far beyond the Portuguese–Konkani existed before they arrived, and we had temples and mosques (many destroyed by the Catholic fanatics) before we had those beautiful churches….

There is a decided nose-raised aspect to a large number of Goans I meet, and how they react to non-Goan Indians…

We may be different from other parts of India, but each area and community in India has its own unique traits—which is what makes the country so beautiful and versatile–the Anglo Indians have their military history and hill stations, the Punjabis have their resistance history….

We’re still Indian, y’all
…
Yea so that’s about it for now..I’d love to hear responses or challenges

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