Carolime Time

i am treading through ‘the secret’..my godfather’s wife has raved about it, and she’s one of the most optimistic people i know…not to mention some businesspeople i know who seem to love it..

it was one of the leading books in india…every bookstore i went into (and i went into A LOT) (hence the 14kg overweight;)) had “The Secret” at #1…
Whenever kids would come up to my rickshaws selling books, the main three were…The Secret, Kite Runner, and A Thousand Splendid Suns..

Anyway, I think there’s a trend in India surrounding motivational thought and literature. Even as I read magazines and statements from celebrities, all their quotes and ideals are based on these laws of attraction, in a way…And I’ve noticed people are really into passing along inspirational quotes and sayings…either via text message or through email…It’s one rupee a text message, so technically the Indian text message costs more than the Canadian…yet, no one sends me inspirational text messages?! You know, it really did mean something to me..to wake up and re-read it..added a little light to my day..HINT HINT..SEND ME POSITIVE MESSAGES!!!…

okay so i gotta tell you something…i have three days left to write…after that, i cannot blurt out anything more under the pretense of ‘traveling’..for i will be back in toronto..
the question is, do i write my ass off, or have i written enough..
is it quantity, or quality, in this case?
i’ve done some facebook lurking, and people have come home with a lot of wonderful pictures, photos from their winter extravaganzas and adventures….
i did not use my camera once on this trip.
The camera. my archnemesis. my possessive ex lover, confidante, my wanderlust and vanity, all in a little hand held contraption that has never quite made sense to me.
broadcast journalism classes consisted of me, fiddling, often calling an old friend just to make sure i had the FPS (eh??) and white balance right..auto focus or manual? am i overacting? should i wear makeup? what’s that trick you mentioned that would make me look skinnier? ahh, yes…that one..

i am thoroughly anti-camera. i’ve reluctantly embraced this phase for the past couple of months, almost veiled myself in it. every passing urge to capture a moment with a lens has been followed by a pebble in my throat..why do i want to use my camera, i ask…so i can have a zillion shots of the same thing from different angles? because digital is cheap? so i can look at it immediately afterwards?..this is what the camera has come to mean to me..it’s sad, because i know there’s more to it than that…am i really much of a photographer, though? i want to know, how many people develop photos these days? why does blacks’ photography have so many frames on display these days?

i don’t carry my camera anywhere anymore. when another pulls it out, i am first arrested by how the camera might spoil this moment–my own defensiveness– and then reminded that i don’t have a pen to write this moment down and they have their camera, to write it down for themselves.

some people do it really well, as i’ve seen. and the colours, the vibrance, there really is the possibility of quality with a camera. i just can’t do it.
i have been at war with the camera for some time. I think it’s because I’m still transitioning, 1.5yrs later, into acting for film. If only I could tell you how I feel about this comfortable, emotionally abusive lover of mine, these days..i’m so attached it hurts..

There are some things i am dying to take a picture of. i wanted the red paan spray on the streets, like graffiti on a wall..though people apparently spit it on special property, like a scar..not so sure about uninvited scars. My cousin said it can get really bothersome to the point of…VANDALISM? but i think paan juice could be useful in self-expression…kinda like that vomit on canvas art fad..but vomiting on someone else’s art, not so cool..

so there, did i just take a picture? does that count? is writing way more revealing than photos?

here’s the thing. my friend once told me she didn’t take pics with any of the people she met on her trip to israel. me, i have decided not to take pics of any of the things i’ve seen. so far, i’ve gotten a lot on paper/screen. and people take pics of me with groups of others, or on my own.

i’ve had a lot of thoughts, asked a lot of my silly questions, and done a lot of things. i consider my writing my photo album. i wouldn’t have felt comfortable taking out a camera to take a picture of vadaes, and it’s difficult to aim a camera at the steam rising off the top of a cup of tea, i don’t think my camera’s good enough to catch the stain on the side of a glass or the fingernails and dry skin of that woman’s day, nor could i quote, with a camera, the things i’ve heard around me, that make me wonder and think twice..and since i’m on a mission to ‘focus’, i decided to use one medium and not the two..

i am feeling a lot better..

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I see a man kill himself in India, because he only knows the land and cannot support his family with his farm anymore. It has become unfamiliar, dried out, and unproductive in a genetically modified seed world. This Indian suicide takes place daily.

I see a man kill himself in China, because he is responsible for the factory that supplied Mattel. It was discovered that there was lead in the paint used on Mattel products. China-fear follows, as whispers spread throughout the cocktail masquerade…”That’s from China”..

In India, they discover a factory where children go unpaid and work under horrible conditions to supply North America with Gap clothing. Gap was unaware of this factory, especially after amending their code of ethics three years ago to avoid such a scandal. They cleaned up their image with Project Red products. There is no news from Gap head offices regarding any suicides. Perhaps we will find the bodies later.

In Dubai, a 25-yr old man kills himself at a labour camp he works at. He had been earning money to send home to India, where his brother and sister live with his mother (their father killed himself last year). He hadn’t been paid in three months and didn’t know what to tell his family back home.

I’m going to puke.

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i have callouses on my hands from lugging around a bloody 20lb camera case

i’m coughing like a crazyyyy mofo. and just when the weather gets better–

losing my voice…decided to talk on the phone for TWO HOURS…..first time in MONTHS that i’ve done that…..and of course i do it while i’m trying to finish up my report…which leads me to the next issue…

i interviewed Abdelkader Belaouni yesterday…An Algerian refugee living in sanctuary…i’ll post the intvw if i somehow end up proud of the final product…either way, he really is living in somewhat of a prison…all the symptoms are there—his senses have dimmed, he doesn’t get enough sun so he’s been getting depressed and taking medication for it….he’s also blind and diabetic, btw….yeah….

he played this really pretty song on the piano and i layered it on the timeline:)

i came upon this on his site, tell me what you guys think:

-*Principle of open borders: Why should commodities move freely across borders yet people be stopped by restrictive immigration policies? Restrictive border control seeks to protect rich countries’ position of economic domination and exploitation at the expense of the basic human rights of migrants.

***^^too idealistic? or possible? *cough* [really. fuck it hurts]
(this point is in reference to refugees attaining status in canada)

i’ll post more later, i feel like i’m going to cough my heart out of its sockets.
-*

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Montreal 9 March 2007

Police brutality mars Women’s Day Celebration in Montreal

Police Assault women at International Women’s Day March

Yesterday, as Montrealers, along with many around the world celebrated International Women’s Day – the event was marred by police brutality in which three young women were assaulted, injured and traumatized. Among the issues that were brought up during the speeches at Montreal’s women’s day march was that in Iran women were prevented from celebrating international women’s day. Ironically, yesterdays events make Tehran and Montreal seem very close!

Marchers celebrating International Women’s Day had walked from Place Emilie Gamelin (Berri Square) to Phillips Square, along Ste-Catherine Street. After speeches they made their way back to Berri Square. The police made an announcement asking people to walk on the sidewalk. Jaggi Singh, who had been one of many male supporters among the 200 strong celebrating international women’s day moved onto the sidewalk. The others continued marching in the street. Police officers began to rush towards Singh, still walking on the sidewalk. They grabbed him and threw him against a nearby police car.

Other marchers gathered around the car out of concern for the violent way in which police were intervening. Police began hitting and pushing people indiscriminately. Several people were knocked to the ground with batons and night sticks. Emma Strople, a 17 year protester, was hit in the chest with the end of a night stick and thrown to the ground, by an officer later identified as Doyon. Her ribs were bruised, she was winded, trembling from shock and her knee was cut open enough that the blood seeped through her jeans. Two other women were also injured - one woman’s lips and mouth were swollen and bleeding, from being punched in the face by a police officer; another left with cuts on her knee and stomach. The police showed a total disregard for the injuries mounting around them. They placed Jaggi Singh in the police car and began to leave. The marchers that remained left by Berri Metro.
((8th March Cttee of Women of Diverse Origins )

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