penetrate this
| December 31, 2008 | Posted by caroline under dreaming, freeform |
I wear a body that does not look like me. the only thing that matches is my skin with its pigment, and my hair with its roots. i look at things from the inside out and i touch that which is soft, and sink my fingers into flesh, that welcoming, engulfing sensation–so that I cannot return.
i am back, i am back.
and i am touching rough again, calloused and faded, i am touching burns and shadows, can’t put my finger on it so I trace lines i won’t cross, i’ve simply tread along the edges, tiptoeing along the truth.
my hands are searching for responses, so i grasp the first thing i can hold onto for dear life. and i ask if it hurts, tell me if it hurts when i hold you. i shouldn’t have to ask.
I wake up with a start, to eyes, staring at me curiously. They are his, and i am his.
“What?”
“You were moaning in your sleep”
“i was having a nightmare”
“Are you okay?”
“Yes.”
No, I scream.
I turn away and close my eyes, willing my nightmare to return. I’ve been having dreams,
but i tell him they’re nightmares.
